"In A Desperate Need To Feel Special"

I find it very ironic to be sharing my spontaneous thoughts with one of my friends, when here, I am, burrying myself in a bassically the same desperation...   There are things in our lives that we take for granted, simply because they are nothing more than simple routines.. we never realized their value when they are no longer there to be a part of our lives... the feeling of devastation sets in...  There are times I thought that I was totally healed, that my wounds were closed, and that only the scars remained to remind me of the trauma of what was once... it took me a very painfull process of rising and falling, before I was finally able to get up on my own two feet...  to start picking up the fragments of a broken self...  I nearly lost my self-respect once in the desire to prove to another person that he was worth all the respect I could give... I lost myself too... But the heart is stubborn! very stubborn!.. it goes on beating despite the repeated pains it has suffered.. it is a survivor even if the will has already quit!.. and I'm back to square one... perhaps not alone, not lonely... but lost! I never demanded to be the first in anyone's life, just as I had known how it is to be on the last... but I always believe in being seriously given what I deserve... It may not be love... but the decency not to PLAY with my HEART!... And if this special soul is reading me right now... please give me a space in your heart... hear what I am saying... but listen to what i've been keeping to myself all this long... that is all... ... everything else follows... ... and here I am, all in black, just because my heart died...and tears crept inside... and when the heart dies.. you cry your cries... alone....